‘Tis the season!  That is, for swimsuits.  And it seems that along with summer cheer comes conversations that revolve around the bikini.  At least the bikini is merely an originating point, but rather well-suited to somewhat stuck, yet blog-happy conversations of “Whose fault is it?”  Well before scantily clad women became rather publicly accepted, the blame was being passed and the finger being pointed.  Women should be able to wear whatever they want.  It’s the guys fault for not being able to keep his eye’s inside his own head.  Or on the other token, men, if women dress provocatively, swimsuit season included, they’re looking to give an eyeful, so cover up ladies.  No one wants to be told what they can or cannot do, and so in essence, everyone would rather be the victim.  So which one is it?  Who should really “take the blame”?

I have seen and heard many posts, interviews, and opinions spewed over the topic.  Rarely do I cast my thoughts on rather quarrelsome driven subjects, as most of the time people read blogs and articles not really to learn or gain another perspective, but to either merely affirm what they already believe or selfishly find a point that they can refute.  So perhaps I can appease both sides of the summer saga and put the feud to rest.  Well, at least one can hope.  So here’s my resolution, and perhaps you’ll keep the one thing everyone seems to want to see more of.  An open mind.

Ladies and gentlemen.  The potential fault of lustful eyes, adulterous spouses, and objectifying women is … yours.  Please allow me the reader’s digest version, because I think it’s safe to assume that you’ll find several one-sided articles with all the points you need.  (Although I’ll give you my two favorites.)

Men, yes, you are visual, sex-driven beings.  Women are as well, but not in the same way, so let’s not try to dispute this out merely for the sake of argument.  We’re talking about men here, and a man’s awareness of male tendencies is important.  Your sexuality should not be a point of oppression, as it is intended to be celebrated – might I add, with one forever lady – but it should most certainly be a point of self-control, of wisdom, and of integrity.  Our culture is beyond confused about the beautifully original intent of sexuality, mainly by an intense lack of overall character, and yes your surroundings, from public beaches to media, are confusing the matter even more.  No one is protecting your eyes, or better yet, your mind, from an onslaught of images that turn a stranger into a sex object or a friend into an affair.  So the question then remains.  Who is responsible?  You.

Allow me to share an example of one man who I deeply respect and who shows character less frequently seen by men his age:  My husband.  There is no doubt that he loves my intellect and my body, but he is discerning enough to know that he is not fully immune to lust if  his eyes fall upon another beautiful sight.  Occasionally I will shop at Victoria’s Secret, and if there is one store that flaunts the curves and appeal of a beautiful woman… or two or three… it’s this one.  So when my husband and I are in the mall, which is pretty much around Christmas time, and I decide to pop on into VS, Jordan chooses – without my prodding mind you – to sit on a bench a little ways down and wait.  In part, he has no desire to see another woman besides myself in seductive lingerie, although more in full, his head is making a conscious choice to refuse his eyes the satisfaction of seeing these women as sexual objects, even though these ladies know full well that images of their bodies are going to be blown up for any man’s viewing pleasure in store window malls across America.  Without even knowing the names of these women, he is respecting them, and by keeping his thoughts pure, he is respecting me.

Now let’s make a big old u-turn to the other side of this noisy highway.  I’ll run with the same story, if you don’t mind.  At one time I received a “free VS panty” card in the mail.  My husband was needing to be out and about, and so I asked him if he would run in and use up the card for me.  He gently reminded me that if he doesn’t like to stand outside of the store, then why would he go in?  Point taken.  I felt rather foolish, and realized that I was asking him to do what many of us women ask men to do all the time.  Just don’t look.  Does anyone else see the idiocity in this request? I obviously don’t want him to have eyes for another woman, and yet I am willing to let him walk into a storehouse of eye candy, believing that with his strong sense of self-control, he can handle it.  Yes, perhaps he could, but why in the world would I want to, in essence, put him in harms way?  Why would I choose to tempt him, removing myself from any blame (even though I was the one who made the request), while simultaneously acknowledging the fact that men need to take full responsibility for their sexual driven tendencies?

It’s called “playing the victim” and to be honest, it infuriates me how widespread this selfish foundation has become.  Women, let’s talk about our bodies.  They’re beautiful and worthy of respect, and honestly, you have the freedom to display your body in whatever way you choose.  Although there’s something pretty intense about freedom.  It may mean all things are permissible, but it doesn’t make all things beneficial.  We often use such freedom to express ourselves.  For instance, perhaps you think that displaying your body is to the empowerment of women who have been considered less than men for far too long, or perhaps the confidence you draw from a stranger catching a glimpse is a form of self-affirmation.  You have needs, we all do, and the intense power of the female body is readily a gateway to that end by whatever form your motivation takes.  So let’s at least be honest with ourselves in saying that we ladies argue to show some skin not for the sake of men, but for the sake of women, or more honestly yet, for the sake of ourselves.  That in mind, here’s a question to consider in the scope of this thing called freedom.  Might it be worthwhile, and might you even let some form of character show through, by choosing to cover up a bit more for the sake of the men around you, rather than using the full extent of your freedom for the sake of yourself?

As the old adage goes, “Love your neighbor as yourself”, keeping in mind that the origination of this quote didn’t stop there.  The author goes on to say, “If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.”